IFs and BUTs

At 1345hrs on the 27th of February as I was standing amongst the hundreds of students at the exam center I was one of the select few aspirants whose face bore a sense serene tranquility! That tranquility comes to you either when the question paper is revealed or when you don't have the pressure to perform. I was of the second case as I had decided that the CET-2011 was to be my mock exam and that I would give it seriously in 2012! The paper was tough and the results low. I got  91.76%-ile with 91 marks, six marks short of my self estimate. I knew I had faltered as I had marked 4 answers wrongly in that OMR response sheet in a hurry due to lack of practice and experience! I brushed it off lightly.

But life changed in the moment I got my result. I've now decided to not continue with my plans and to join MBA this academic year itself. But then the stark reality hit me hard; 91.76%ile isnt enough to get me a MBA-MMS seat in any of the top 10 colleges in Bombay! Now as every time my mind started working extra-time. What if I would have not marked those four answers wrongly? What if I had taken an ink-eraser with me? What if I had seriously studied without the idea of rewriting it in 2012? What if...? What if...??? But possibly, had I written it seriously I might have not scored this much because then I might have lost that tranquility and ended up erring even more under pressure! But I cannot justify myself or any of the above cases using theory-crafting, because I know for sure that the human mind is the least predictable of the things in the universe. In the past 24hours I must have done theory-crafting on about ten different cases on what I should have and haven't done. Probably I will look back after 10years and say what happened was good, who knows!

These IFs and BUTs are what make us realise that even the smallest of actions can have the greatest of impact. We realise then, that every moment no matter how small is important and life is like walking on the edge of the cliff where every step is to be taken with care, as each step we take is a calculated risk or else we are doomed! The cliff is actually a better place to err as atleast you know the worst thing that will happen is death! Now that I've erred with those four marks; although unknowingly, I'll have to pay a heavy price, and the price is to drink the bitterest of poisons - Regret. Now I've realised that "you'll seldom experience regret for something that you do. It is what you don't do that will torment you the most".