A guilt ride!

"Teet teet - Teet teet", Ashwin heard the familiar sound of his Nokia 1100 mobile Handset. Involuntarily he opened the message by the ritual of unlocking the cell phone keyguard. A ritual he has so often done to the extent of such expertise, wherein he could unlock it even with his eyes closed, single handed!

An unprecedented wave of shock passed from his head through his spine to the last muscle in his feet. A Tsunami of sorts, as he read the message on his cell.

Is this just friendship?

The timing on the message showed 22:30:36. He checked to find out that it was just sent.

Had she really found out? There was something strange he had felt about her, the very first moment he had seen her in the back of the bus during their Industrial Visit. He had never noticed her before that in the college. Eyes that bore a greenish tinge, bespectacled and hair long and straight. She seemed reserved and quiet, responding to the questions only with mono-syllabic answers. The first time he'd seen her speak he instantly registered in his mind that she, Brinda was an above-the-rest-girl.

As they came to know each other better, the bond grew and within the short span of time, became really good friends. And on one casual talk, she confided in him about the love of her life, a guy called Dhruv! Ashwin was breathless as gasped for air, twitching uncomfortably in his chair and trying to appear normal. After her disclosure he stepped down on his plan (to proceed further and take their relationship to the next level) and stuck with her, as "just friends". She all the while being unaware of his "innocent plans" and its "decommission"!

But now the message! Had she somehow sensed his intentions through his non-verbal actions despite his sincere efforts to camouflage his feelings and getting used to seeing her in a new light? Hands trembling he answered to the text message:

As: y the sudden ques?

Br: Sounded pretty absurd? (22:32:17)

As: ofcourse it did!

Br: I'm sry.. got a li'l confused.. (22:34:44)

He was still in the pretty jovial mood. He typed a message and left a loooooooong gap after the first part!

As: I jus <3 [love]............. disturbin u!

Br: yu serious? (22:40:22)

He calls her, she cuts the call!

Br: I'm wit mom.. (22:46:35)

As: k. tel me

Br: This can be amazing friendship..right? (22:49:05)

As: It is, wow y da ques?

Br: And let it always be nothin more than friendship..pls? (22:50:54)

As: bt y u sounding idiotic?

Br: Jus wanted to be sure. hope yu didnt get offended (22:57:51)

As: np, bt u sounding un-BRINDA lyk :|

Br: ok wait.. can we jus forget whatever happened? And make a new beginning? Cos i feel terrible..(23:19:29)

As: r u gone bonkers? terrible 4 wat?

Br: i feel terribly guilty and yu know y. so is it ok of i cal yu after a few days? need to get a li'l clear! (23:22:44)

She had once confessed during one of their usual post-dinner chit-chat, the he was the only other guy save Dhruv with whom she has been so close, speaking with such frankness and sharing such intricate details about her life devoid of inhibitions. That too after just two days of knowing him. And now the guilt! She was feeling guilty for being close to a guy other than her "love"! Ashwin was desperately trying to pacify her and reason out with her that being emotionally close to a person of the other sex does not mean transgressing the line. Brinda was guilt-ridden and he couldn't understand why! He told her to speak to Dhruv, but she rubbished the idea by saying that he was way too possessive to understand it. Ashwin was taken aback, head whirling he asked her where is the love without trust? She was speechless! He felt like slapping her and telling her that she should have thought about it before getting all "friendly". He kept his clam though. His conscience clear, he replied,

As: ok, bt i stil cant figure out y?

Br: pls understand.. giv me a few days. Trust me.. we'll always be good friends. rly (23:32:22)

As: :)

He had clearly understood one thing, that Brinda was a complex mixture of high IQ and low practicality! She was into a guy who loved her yet could not trust her on the contrary intrigued her under the lame pretext of "possessiveness". She was confused she said..... for what? Was she confused between Ashwin a guy she had met barely 3 days ago and Dhruv her longtime "lover" who she was happy with but somewhere deep inside her heart wanted him to get better! Only Brinda knew the answer. But all Ashwin knew was that he loved Brinda with all his heart but kept away form professing his love for the only fact that she was already committed. He realised at that very moment :-

Lots of things go unquestioned,

lots of things go unanswered,

some words go unsaid,

some go unheard,

few dreams are born dead,

few are buried alive,

THAT IS LIFE; where everyone has

an unspeakable truth,

an irreversible regret,

an unreachable goal,

AN UNFORGETTABLE LOVE!!